Trying To Be An Adult

Few days ago before going back for another rigorous term in medical school, I did my late monthly grocery to replenish some supplies in my dorm room. Doing grocery is actually an entertaining task, especially when you're not the one shedding some cash. But I hate doing it alone, especially not around my mom. Because you know when you're with your parent, you can buy stuff more than what you actually need. But that night, I was alone and was only given some little cash that I need to budget for food and some toiletries. While I was going around in every section, I instantly took hold of some stuff I think I'll be in need of, when in fact, most weren't even necessary. I was failing to think of budgeting the money given to me because it's all that I had for grocery.

Right there, I thought to myself that I need serious help in doing some adult stuff.

Transitioning to adult lifestyle isn't an easy task, especially when you're the youngest in the family. Adding up to that are the circumstances of growing up with two siblings who are ten and eleven years older than you. I thought I'll grow independent and self-sufficient because being always around adults felt like living in an adult life training camp, unknowingly, I was very dependent from them after all. I wasn't really trying to be an adult.

You know the thing they say about life is what happens when you start stepping out of your comfort zone? I guess it only resurfaced when the need of living alone in a dormitory quite far away from my parents was given thought of. Living in a dormitory without a roommate is difficult than what I thought it would be. I'll leave the rest of the story for you in another post. Since I travel from home to school to home during my undergrad days, I never had a chance to do some stuff I think I should've learned before. Like fixing my own laundry, washing dishes, waking up on time, and most especially budgeting money for school stuff, food, bills, and the list goes on.

Although I'm not spending my own hard earned money thus far, I get the picture of how difficult it is to independently make ends meet in life. That's why it scares the hell out of me. And that's why I've always wanted to learn and have control over my spendings, although I find it quite a struggle. It actually pains me sometimes to think that at the age of twenty-one, I still depend on my parents because medical school happened right after finishing undergrad of nursing school, and passing the nursing licensure exam. While life happens to my other friends who are working and earning thousands of pesos now in their chosen careers after nursing school; I, on the other hand, still carrying around heavy, bulky books and pile of reviewers, still a dependent school boy in his all white uniform.

I'm not hating nor complaining of the idea of medical school taking over my chance to be an experimental young adult in life, because I chose to settle on this kind of living. I'm just a little scared of the idea of laying aside or, perhaps, not learning how real life goes outside school. And when god forbid time comes I'm done in medical school, I won't come prepared, probably, in my late twenties, when I'm expected to have a steady residency, and, perhaps, considering starting my own family. Which is kind of daunting and mortifying if coming off guard behind time fall out.

That's why there are times when I'm caught in between thoughts of What Ifs, and if I made a terrible mistake in starting medicine right after college. But then, I realized after writing, reading this post, and before publishing this, that although we have devoted ourselves in a different life path that may take so much time and effort before getting into a real responsibility and independence in the society, we could still try other things and still conquer new obstacles that perhaps will help us grow as individuals and prepare us - like, probably, simple tasks I'm only learning now especially budgeting. And somewhere along trying and learning, some things may not be under our control, and that inevitable mistakes may happen once in a while. I have to pick myself up, try again, and get back on track. And I guess, that's how life will teach and prepare me for another quarter of my life.